i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize