I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
