My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
