Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
