Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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