Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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