and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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