my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
