Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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