he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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