Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize