:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
