Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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