the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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