I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
