how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
