just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
