i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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