ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
