I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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