So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
