Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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