We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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