I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
