what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
