Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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