a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
