I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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