there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
