JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
