Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
