According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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