forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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