You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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