I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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