just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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