I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
