he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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