My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
