Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
