Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
