I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I will pee on everything he values.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
