I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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