I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
