My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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