Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize