Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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