we made out on top of his cat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I forget how to act sober
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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