Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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