at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
