This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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