marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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