My balls are so social today.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
