my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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