She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
