I wanna passion pit in your ass
where am i from again
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
