So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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