i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
