Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
