i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
