please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We're too hungover to prance.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.