Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!