Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
