I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dating After Heartbreak
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?