Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
