I think I died a long time ago.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize