upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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