I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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