Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
