remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
