She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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