I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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