My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
