A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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