the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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