Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm too high and old for this...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
