you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
