i'm lost and i look like a hooker
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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